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When
Jane and Neal Frankel married 33 years ago, times
were different. Their shoestring-budget wedding
officiated jointly by a priest and a rabbi took
place in a Long Island coffin factory. Invitations
were homemade and Jane wore her cousin's
wedding gown.
The year was 1970. Richard Nixon was president,
the war in Vietnam had spread to Cambodia, and
four unarmed students were killed by National
Guardsmen during a protest at Kent State University.
Marcus Welby and Flip Wilson were on our television
sets and Erich Segal's Love Story on our coffee
tables. The Kansas City Chiefs won the Superbowl
and the Boston Bruins took the Stanley Cup.
In 1970, everyone invited to the Frankel wedding
lived within a day's drive.
Flash forward three decades. The Frankels have
long since moved to North Kingstown. Neal owned
and later sold a computer business where he now
does consulting. Jane is a retired teacher. Two
of their ter, Amy, recently walked down the aisle
in front of 104 of her closest friends and family.
Amy's wedding is a classic example of how such
celebrations have changed in almost 35 years.
Unlike when her parents got married, almost no
family members live in town. Only two other couples
are from Rhode Island. The bride and groom Nathaniel
Bowen live in Cambridge, Mass. The groom's family
is from Marion, Mass., and most of the Frankel
clan are still in New York. Friends and relatives
live as far away as New Jersey, Indiana and Texas.
Today, that's pretty typical.
"It's becoming common for people to move
to an area for college or work, and meet their
future spouses and marry far away from their family,"
says wedding planner Alexis
Eliopoulos O'Mara, of Unique
Weddings by Alexis, Boston. "They
go home once or twice a year for quick holiday
visits, and may go two or three or even five years
between seeing some of their cousins."
Enter the extended wedding celebration.
"Nowadays, out-of-town guests arrive a little
earlier and stay a little longer," O'Mara
says. "Sometimes, the only quality time they're
getting with family or friends is when they get
to see them at weddings."
With
people coming hundreds, even thousands of miles
to visit, a four-hour reception where you can
maybe spare five or ten minutes to chat with each
guest just isn't enough.
"While a rehearsal dinner has long been common
for the wedding party and immediate family, extended
wedding weekends have grown out of a need to spend
time with guests who you don't get to see otherwise,"
O'Mara says. "The
bride and groom aren't just hosting a wedding.
Now, they're hosting a weekend."
And that takes a lot of planning.
Amy, who's in marketing, and Nathaniel, a cartographer,
met two years ago on Cape Cod on Amy's 27th birthday.
They were engaged in November 2002 and married
11 months later on October 4, 2003, in a wedding
performed by the Revs. Charles C. and Cheryl D.
Cavalconte.
One of the biggest projects was planning where
to put everyone. Frankel had a dozen house guests
staying with her, but most stayed in one of three
Newport hotels the Best Western Mainstay, the
Carriage House and the Atlantic Beach Best Western.
Frankel made gift bags to welcome all the out-of-town
guests with items like bottled water, Newport
chocolates, Milano cookies and maps of Newport.
"I
started a schedule back in the beginning of September
and blocked out what I'd do every week,"
Frankel says of her monumental organizational
task. "I actually bought the bags last December
at the Christmas Tree Shop and put them together
three weeks prior to the wedding. The groomsmen
delivered them for me."
With
guests arriving as early as Thursday, formal festivities
were set to begin Friday afternoon, a full day
before the wedding. After a 4 p.m. wedding rehearsal
at Astor's Beechwood, the bridal party and immediate
family were invited to dinner nearby at the White
Horse Tavern. Post dinner, the Frankels hosted
a cocktail reception at the Carriage House. There
was an open invitation for everyone to attend
the reception, which was catered with cheese and
crackers and pastries. Everyone invited to the
wedding was welcome to come, and close to 40 people
attended.
"Some
people hadn't gotten in yet, some elderly decided
they wanted to stay put, and some people had made
arrangements to stay somewhere else," Frankel
says. "There was no obligation on anyone's
part. We didn't even make RSVPs for that. We didn't
want anyone to feel pressured. It was basically
if you are in the vicinity and want to stop in,
we'll be there."
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On
Saturday morning, the bride and her friends went
off to get their hair and nails done. Meanwhile,
Frankel enlisted Pickles deli in East Greenwich,
and staff arrived at her house with a luncheon
spread that guests could pick on all through the
afternoon.
Transportation
from the Frankel home to the wedding that evening
was accomplished by hiring the Newport wedding
trolley to pick up the bridal party. Once they
were dropped off at Astor's Beechwood, the trolley
made the rounds of the hotels to pick up all the
other guests.
By Saturday night, the wedding and reception were
over, but not the festivities.
Sunday
morning, Pickles staff arrived at the Frankel
home at 6:30 a.m. to cater a brunch that would
be attended by 60 people. Guests began arriving
at 9:30, and the last left at 2 p.m. This was
a chance for young children who had not been invited
to the wedding to join in the celebration. Frankel
even had special Halloween-theme bags for them
that included juice boxes, snacks and small toys.
The bride and groom didn't leave for their honeymoon
in Tuscany until after the brunch.
"Every guest either came to the cocktail
party or the brunch," Frankel says. "Some
came to everything, but nobody missed both of
them."
Did
everything go smoothly? Well, almost.
Two nights before the wedding, Frankel noticed
she had a headache, which she assumed was stress,
but by Friday night she had a fever, chills and
nausea.
"I was sick," Frankel says. "I
walked around all through the wedding holding
a ginger ale. But I had an absolutely wonderful
time. I don't know how I pulled off those three
days. And then I had house guests from Texas come
and stay 'til the following Thursday at 3 p.m.
When they left, I went to bed, and I don't think
I woke up 'til Saturday morning."
What
the Frankels did is typical of today's weddings,
O'Mara says. Often,
after the rehearsal dinner, couples will have
an open party either at a room in a restaurant
or bar or a hotel like the Frankels did or something
casual in someone's backyard. This "pre-party"
isn't meant to spoil the events of the next day
and is usually low- key, with eating, drinking
and lots of talking.
"For some weddings, we've set up Newport
mansion tours, clambakes at the Newport Yachting
Center, Newport Vineyards tastings and trolley
tours," says wedding planner Patricia Coughlin
Shaw of Attention to Detail, North Attleboro,
Mass. "They know they're coming from such
a distance, they want to give their guests a feel
for the area."
Pre-wedding events can start even earlier, sometimes
several days before the wedding.
"I've even heard of the bride and groom hosting
a dinner party at their house the Thursday before
the wedding," O'Mara
says. Other events might include Duck Tours, clambakes,
or guided city tours for out-of-town visitors.
In addition,
the morning before the wedding has become a day
for the groom and his best friends to unwind at
the golf course while the women are off at the
beauty parlor.
"They
spend the whole day golfing, and come back just
before the rehearsal dinner," O'Mara
says. "I've even seen guys do things like
spend the day at the F1 car racing course in Braintree."
In the afternoon, the women sometimes host a bridal
luncheon for female out-of-towners who were unable
to attend the bridal shower so they can "get
to know each other before the wedding."
"I just did a wedding October 10 in Newport
where most of the bride's guests were from Ohio,
Illinois and California," Shaw recalls. "She
did everything in one spot the Hotel Viking in
Newport so they wouldn't have to travel once they
got here. They had the rehearsal dinner on Thursday,
the wedding and reception on Friday, a brunch
Saturday and a dinner Saturday night. They didn't
leave for their honeymoon until noon on Sunday,
so it just kept going from Thursday's rehearsal
all the way to Sunday."
As more events are added, wedding costs skyrocket,
and these might be things that hadn't been counted
on by the bride's family as part of a traditional
wedding budget. The consultants said that smaller
events are typically paid for by the bride's parents,
but more and more, the bride and groom are picking
up the tab for extra events.
Although the Frankel-Bowen wedding weekend included
lots of activities, spending exorbitant amounts
of money and oneupping your neighbors isn't necessary,
Frankel says. "The most important thing to
keep in mind is that you're not trying to outdo
everybody, you are showing an appreciation for
your guests. It doesn't have to be costly, and
it doesn't have to be fancy.
"We just wanted them to know we appreciated
them coming and we wanted to make their stay as
pleasurable as possible."
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